Just Read It

Sunday, April 06, 2008

New Leaf...

I've been a jerk in the past, especially with regards to my actions over the Internet.  One need only read the previous contents of this blog to discover that.  However, today I am turning over a new leaf, one where I am no longer verbally abusive to those who disagree with me.  I hereby design to be more cavalier, and to behave civially and with kindness in my actions.
And to those I have previously abused, allow me to offer my sincere apologies.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


The Internet is slowly destroying my faith in mankind. Seriously, we're getting so screwed up that we're going to bomb ourselves stupid just to see what death feels like. Nearly anything you'll find on the Internet makes the human race look that stupid.
Particularly, I'm reffering to a very long, and extremely boring movie here. Don't watch it; your time is too precious. I turned it off right after I heard something about mormon temples. They look like this:

Beautiful, isn't it? I mean, after all, the church has spent buckets of money getting it that way. And that's what this guy said, claiming that it seems to him that Mormons are spending too much on this fancy stuff, when they could be helping the poor.
The debate is to show the difference between mainstream Christianity and Latter Day Saint Christianity. The mainstream Christian stuck his foot so far down his mouth with that comment that it came out his butt and swirled back in. I have photo evidence that they do the same exact thing.

That's right punks, your "bling bling." You spend a whole friggin' lot on gold and fancy crud too. And tons of people waste their money on this stuff; I'd find it hard to believe that you don't spend more than we spend on temples.
Now, here's the difference that saves us from your hipocracy: ours is the house of the Lord. We're spending money to give God the best of the best. You're just spending it to hang a bit of gold around your neck.
You sicken me, hypocrites!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Message Boards Are Good

I need people to use my message board. I've even changed one of the rules on it to make it more fun. You will be transferred there shortly. It doesn't matter what you post; just post something! There's even a flaming forum if you want to bash me, whether for a good reason or not. Be aware of the new rule if you're going to the flaming forum; although I won't ban you from there, there is another surprise.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Violence is Good

Hippies everywhere, you are fools. I've been thinking so hard the universe imploded twice and I had to build a time machine to go fix it so nobody would know. If you think long and hard, you realize violence will save the world.
Now, there's a lot of you out there who haven't thought this through. You keep living in this utopian fantasy you've built in your head where everybody loves eachother, and we all smoke pot. First, I'm never smoking pot. Second, no matter what you do somebody will always hate you.
Given that, the only way to achieve peace is to become a powerful jerk who doesn't take crap from anybody. Let's take the war in Afghanistan, for example. The Taliban thought that they could fend off the United States. Why? Because too many of us have this hippy crap drilled into our skulls. They realize that we'll try to cause as little lifeloss as possible. However, if we were to bring back the styling we had at Nagasaki in WWII, any government in the world would think twice before crossing us. The Taliban would have handed over Osama bin Laden already if the US kicked that much butt.
Now, I know what you're thinking. If the US had the power to strike fear into the hearts of everyone, some moron would get elected who would abuse this awsome power for his own purposes. I've already thought of that. You see, all we have to do is build a robot that will pass judgement according to democracy (except when everyone's being idiots, then he takes charge like a robot should). Sure it'll cost a lot, but it's worth it for world peace.
If you know his e-mail, send this to the president of the United States.

Monday, August 22, 2005

I Know Everything

Yeah, that title is a bit self-concieted. But so what? I tried this before when I was getting less traffic, so let's try this again. I can answer every question. Click the link below for more info on this claim.
Last time I tried this, people didn't know what I meant. I started getting trivia. Why waste such a talent on trivia? Any trivia sent to me will be ignored. Send me deeply theological questions, like "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" and I'll make up an answer off the top of my head. Since I know everything, it'll have to be right, no matter how messed up it is.
This will be sort of like the expired comic, Captain Ribman.
Send your questions to leo.damascus@gmail.com.

To get things rolling, how about if I anser that example question.
Q: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: It has to be the chicken. Otherwise, how the heck did the egg get here? Some people may think you can't get the chicken without the egg, but they're forgetting the awsome power of radiation. The chicken is a radioactive mutation of clowns. Where did the clowns come from? Somebody bought them off Ebay. Ebay has always existed; it just hasn't always been on the Internet.
There's no way you can argue with that.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Stuff that Annoys Me

The next time somebody tries to pass me on when I'm travelling the speed limit, their car will be mysteriously rammed off the road. Heck, I like to go just as fast as the other guy, but these people are going to cost me $60 for a speeding ticket by making me think I'm going slow.
Another thing that annoys me is how some bloggers like to stop their preview right in the middle of the sentance, like anybody cares.... Ok, actually I'm making fun of these people who feel that clicking to continue reading is such a big chore.
Lazy Blog Reader: 0 n0 he r teh make me click taht r s0 hard!!!!1
These people need to be irradicated from the face of the planet. A click is not a hard thing to do, especially when it saves you time from the scrolling wheel. These people seriously need to take a web design class sometime in their lives! Call themselves net-savy!
I also hate how I was forced to move out of my dorm. My family is leaving for Washington D.C. before I move in, so pretty soon I'm going to be completely homeless. Not to mention, I had to move everything, when I had spent the previous night up all night cleaning for this stupid move.
Ok, glad I got that off my chest. You may continue wasting your life away.

Friday, August 12, 2005


If you look at the comments for my last post, you'll see I've been hit by spambots. That is, you will if I haven't deleted them by the time you read this post.
Now somebody's going to call me on hypocrisy for this one. "Chris, you said you don't mind ads!" That's true, but remember the following:

1. I have a section of my message board dedicated to random ads. It's empty and needs to be used.
2. Comment rule #4 states that I don't want spam. That means comments must be relevant.

Here's an example of what was posted:
President Bush Indicted for Podcasting?
Two pieces of blog related news today centered around the President of the United States have nothing to do with his stance on speaking with Iraq War protesters, making millions by injecting Jose Canseco and ...

I really enjoy reading your blog. Another bookmark, I would say.

teenage hairloss [link removed] related stuff!

The article was about werewolves. I assume the spambot programmer decided I wouldn't delete the post if it sounded like I'd made a fan, hence the bookmark comment. Then there's all of that Bush crap. The programmer figured all blogs talk about Bush, and never vampires and werewolves, therefore nobody would notice this. And lastly, the actual ad. It scanned the post and noticed the words hairy and conditioner. I was talking about werewolves when I said hairy, and conditioner to emphasize how gay vampires are.
Checkmate, spambot! You've been discoverd!
I don't care about hairloss. Baldness does not run in my family, and I've got more hair on my head than Robin Williams has on his whole body! I'm happy with my hair!
Too bad spammer. Better luck next time!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Werewolves are Better than Vampires

This has been a subject of heated discussion for me lately. I mean, who the heck would want to be a vampire? Vampires are gay!
Case in point, look at this guy:

What's he going to do, kill you with his conditioned hair? Or better yet, slap you with his limp wrist (which is covered by his frilly dress, by the way)?
Now, sure there's this whole sucking your blood thing which is pretty rugged, but nothing compared to any other monster.

If a monster were to bite me and turn me into it, I'd much rather it were a werewolf. I mean, look at how awsome they are!

Oh man, I get goosebumps just thinking about how awsome being a werewolf would be! Somebody looks at you wrong and their voicebox is dangling in your teeth! Not to mention you're a hairy beast!
Let's compare their weaknesses, because weaknesses are what will stop you from being the awsome monster you are.

Silver Bullet

That's it. Nothing else can kill a werewolf. On the other hand, what about vampires?

The Sun
Wooden Stake
Lowercase letter "t"

How many people are carrying around a silver bullet? And better yet, if you can afford the silver bullet, how'd you afford the gun? Only rich people can kill werewolves, and they're usually too big of pansies to do that anyway. Any idiot with two sticks can make a cross, though. So werewolves win!
Plus werewolves aren't assosiated with goths. Friggin' goths! Ugh, now I hate vampires even more!
Lousy vampires!