My Toe!!!

Okay; here's something I never want to hear my toe surgeon say during surgery again.

You didn't want that toe, did you?

Agh. I hate it when doctors joke like that. I was already stressed out enough from the fact that he was going to be digging into my toe with a knife and burning out the nerves inside. I suppose it's better than the German toe surgeon, though.

Me: OW!

German Toe Surgeon: You can still feel that? *snip*

Me: Yes!

And the German doctor just goes on operating anyway! I felt the whole flippin' thing! And what's worse, he didn't fix it! I had to have the same procedure done again once I got back to the States!
I can only take solace in the fact that this time it was properly numbed. I just hope it worked this time.

The Scaring Game

Years ago, when I was still very young, my cousins, siblings and I invented the greatest game in the world: the scaring game. The whole point of the game is to scare the pants off of somebody wandering aimlessly around a dark room. My cousins, siblings and I play without points, but points can be awarded for each time you scare someone.
Just saturday was my 5 year old cousin's first time playing. He hasn't started kindergarten yet.
This kid was good. He found every hiding place that my siblings, other cousins and I were too big to fit into anymore. He snuck out of places we'd forgotten existed! And what's more, he was even able to slink around the basement we were playing in unseen when it was his turn to be scared, denying us many of our best hiding spot.
This was after the rest of our family insisted he was too young.
People have too little faith in small children. Small children can handle alot if given a chance. So the next time you see a child, offer to scare the pants off of said child.

The Ghandi Piñata

We interupt this blog for the following commercial message:

Is your life full of stress? Boss giving you a hard time at work? Maybe you just failed your English final? Or perhaps you're just short on people to beat with a sick?
Look no further than the "Ghandi Piñata."



This amazing product is made out of real clones of Ghandi! It comes in three amazing versions: Normal Ghandi (featured above), Fat Ghandi, and Nazi Ghandi!
When asked at gunpoint what they thought about our product, 9 out of 10 psycologists recomended it.
Read these great reviews:

"I used to be nice to old hungry people, but ever since I got the 'Ghandi Piñata' I've realized the error of my ways." - Randy Podmore, Los Angeles, CA

"This is further proof violence is fun." - Jeff Albertson, Springfield, KY

"I liked the blood!" - Some smelly hobo, New York, NY

And what's more, if you mail in your proof of purchase, we'll even throw in "Lil' Ghandi Crusher" for free, increasing your fun exponentially!



So why wait? Buy yours today at participating Wal-Marts and Honda dealers!

(Note: Not a real product.)

Online Quizes

I went to Blogthings.com today, following the lead of my friend from St. George, Nate. I found one that is supposed to tell you your political alliance (you can see my results at the bottom of this post, if you care).
I probably should have stopped when I found this question:

14. Everyone has a right to health care, even if they can't afford it

False

True

Of course it's true. Nobody with a soul believes it's not. The problem is feasability (something that many of you idiots out there can't understand). The US does not force people into a job they do not want to do, which is part of the whole "life, liberty, and pursuit of hapiness" thing the founding fathers wrote about in the declaration of independance. If everybody is given free heath care, it either has to come out of an already suffering government's pockets, the hospital's, or everybody in the whole friggin' country has to pay for that bum who doesn't want a job at all. Now personally, I don't think I should suffer just because that guy's not trying to get healthcare. And if the money comes from the hospital, they will have less money for research, and thereby end up giving us crappier service.
Online quizes are always setting traps like that, biasing you toward one point of view or another, so that whoever set up the friggin' thing's opinions ultimately come out on top.
That's not cool. Stay away from online quizes.
(I'd give more examples but I don't want to bore you any more.)

My Political Profile
Overall: 65% Conservative, 35% Liberal	Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal	Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal	Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal	Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Veganism

I was watching Trading Spouses one night while tending to my recent surgery. On it, they decided to switch a vegan with someone who thrived on meat. It was a very educational show for me, because I did not previously know just how annoying and self righteous some vegans can be.

The most annoying thing was how the vegan thought she was morally superior to all, and needed to change the entire state of Louisiana. Let's look at the facts:

1. She's willingly participating in a show where she cheats on her husband.
2. She's doing the above for $50,000 dollars (greed).

She's not morally superior to anybody! Yet she goes on preaching veganism like anybody who's not a vegan is a great sinner. She actually called the aligator hunting establishment she was sent to "like an alligator holocaust."

Alligators kill and then eat other animals! If it were to continue living, it's natural diet would kill any animal that happened to be to close the river, which includes people. By destroying an alligators, you actually save life.

But herbivores aren't innocent either. Carnivores keep them from eating up all the vegetation and causing a painful and slow death for all the other plant eaters out there.

"But wait," you veggies and vegans say. "Chris, you don't have to hurt them. Let nature take it's course." I say, yeah. Let nature take it's course. Last time I checked, humans ( homo sapien) are part of the animal kingdom. By trying to force me to eat other than is natural for me, you are attempting to ruin the balance of nature! Some eco-freak you turned out to be!

Now, somebody's going to say, "but humans are the only animals with the power to abstain from their natural will to eat meat." Your very argument is part of the reason I eat meat. Animals are too stupid to know what's going on around them. They don't feel loss when a member of their family dies (at least, not the animals I eat). They just continue pecking seeds, chewing the grass they've puked from their third stomach, or eat the rotting disgusting leftovers of the farmer who bought him. All they know is that either they are happy or they are sad. And the fact is, most of them are sad much of the time. They don't want to be on the earth, so I am removing them from it.

"You can't possibly know what animals want," you say. Of course I can't, but neither can you. As far as you know, you are extending their agony well beyond what they can bare. At least I know I am getting protein and a friggin' good steak out of the meat.

You're all welcome to do what you want with your diet, but my diet includes meat, end of story. I don't feel guilty.
By the way, I welcome vegans' and vegetarians' comments. But you lose suckers!

Home Again... Etc.

I'm finally home!
It feels good to be back in good ol' Utah. It was even worth the 32 hour trip to get back here. Okay, so I enjoyed the trip over; the US State Department payed for a first class trip over, with handout DVD players. I wished they hadn't chosen American Airlines, though; they tried to rip us off.

Mom: Hi, I'd like to transfer my family's baggage to the flight to Salt Lake City.

American Airlines Worker (aka Satan): Sorry, you need 45 minutes to
check in baggage, and that flight leaves in 20 minutes.

Mom: But our flight from Frankfurt just got here! I'd need
to time travel to get here 45 minutes early.

Satan: Wow. That's awful.

Mom: Whatever. Can you get me new tickets?

Satan: The best I can do is tommorow morning.

Mom: Okay.

Satan: I'll just need you to pay for the tickets and hotel.

Me: WHAT?!

Fotunately it was a happy ending, because a computer error in our favor occured, causing American Airlines to buy both for us. Take that, American Airlines!
Anyway, I've been staying with my Grandma, who thinks that a Windows 98 computer with a 5 GB hard drive and no Internet connection is good enough to keep everyone sustained in the world, so I'll be having troubles updating.
Oh yeah, and I also had surgery. I'd say more on that, but my library card's about to restrict me from further net acess. So, bye for now!

Banning the Internet

Aren't web petitions fun? I found this petition looking to ban the Internet. It says the following:

To: American People

We, the members of UCAWWW, petition that the Internet (World Wide Web) creates nothing but harm in society today. The Internet is a cause for addiction and sin while taking away traditional family values. Our children are being exposed to filth that causes sexual tendencies and drug addiction. We therefore, demand that the internet be permanently banned from American homes. We MUST restore faith in God and steer clear of the devil!

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

You know what, I think you should sign it. I mean, we can't allow such awful and degrading web sites (example) to continue to exist! What is the world coming to?
I mean, what's next? I story with a monkey on drugs? Or worse; it could get get animated!

(Note for the slow, I'm involved in each of the above.)

You love me! You really do!

A church activity just ended, and I'd said my final goodbyes to everybody here in Germany. My brothers and I were walking home, which is normal... except that everybody followed me and my brothers home. My front door opened, and everybody started singing "Love One Another."
I swear, it was like the end of one of those cheesey movies with a monkey in it.
I feel so loved.

The Calm Before The Storm

Usually the day before moving is the most hectic day in you life. I mean, there's packing for the plane ride, prepping on the house for its new owners, etc. Yet everything's calm.
Too calm.
It feels like the calm before a typhoon. It's eerily pleasant, then BOOM! Stuff's flying all over the place, people are being fried by stepping in the same puddles as electrical wiring has fallen into, and a tree's about to fall on your house (all from personal experience). If I'm being completely honest, it feels like the plane's going to explode over the Atlantic ocean and I'll be stranded on an island!
I shouldn't say such things, since I might jinx it, but man does it feel weird to be calm the day before the plane ride.
It may be more predictable than that, though. Dad informed me of this terrible truth:

You guys might not get Internet acess.

So, frustrating as it may be, I may not update my blog even after landing in Utah. But hey, it beats starving on an island in the Atlantic. Except for you, my faithful readers (suckers!).

The Delights of Moving

There are many pains of moving: leaving friends, packing, can't get any more spatzi, etc. But today I sampled the pros of moving, namely "all you can eat."
You see, we have excessive amounts of food left over that we can't bring with us (customs thing). So mom ordered me to chow down on ice cream, fruit rollups, and "whatever you want from the fridge."
Score!
I'm probably going to gain like 12 pounds by tomorrow, but man do I like this! I mean, I'm staying up late tonight (helping mom clean), and I feel awake from all the food sugar in me!
I'm going to go see what's in the fridge.

I Found Area 51

I was playing around with Google Maps when I decided to see what area 51 looks like. I figured it would be blurry like the US Capitol Building. But when I went wandering around the Nevada desert (where area 51 is said to be), I found this:

(Google stopped hosting the image. Click here to see the map, though.)

(Satalite image provided by Google, who owns all copyrights on it.)

Considering the reputation Area 51 has for alien stuff, I figured a bunch of crop circles randomly in the Nevada dessert probably meant this is the place.
Is this creative censoring? Is it the real deal? No really, I'm asking. Let's see how big of a conspiracy we can start here.

If you want to look around the Nevada desert yourself, to see what you can make up figure out, click here.
And if you do, please either e-mail me or comment on this post.

(Update 7-08-2005: I recently obtained a copy of Google Earth, and they have a picture of Area 51. It has no crop circles. So the question now becomes, what's up with the crop circles?)

I've Graduated... Finally!

YEAH!
I can't express in words how good it feels to have finally graduated from high school. So instead, I present the following picture:



The procession of events started with a breakfast in the morning where our entire senior class was crowded into the cafeteria and given rolls and meat. Then we moved on to the Stadthalle to practice walking in to that dumb Kill Bill theme song.
The graduation itself was a bit longwinded. You see, after hearing a South African freedom fighter speak about our education, they handed out more awards than diplomas, it seemed.
Afterward a few friends and I went out to get something to eat, in order to celebrate our graduation.
I'd write more, but my brother who's the same age as me is waiting like a vulture to get on the computer and brag about his graduating via MSN messenger. Cìao!

Ow!

And the story of my life continues, with the following escaping the mouth of the nurse who gave me a shot.

"Whoops! Sorry!"

I never want to hear that again during a medical procedure!

The shot is a requirement for going back to the United States for college. To the seasoned shot-getter (aka me) it's known as a "TB" test. They poke the needle into you, and then inject something that makes your skin bubble up. If it doesn't disappear by the next time they check you, you have tuberculosis. My bubble's already gone, and I got the test about an hour ago, and I'm not due back for a check until monday.
But they also have to give me one more shot (I forget for what, though).
Anyway, I'm down to 6 days until I'm safely back home in the States (my clock in the sidebar was wrong for a while, go figure). I can't wait to be home again!

Playing God

I'm back! Even though they took my computer, and took all my other crap, I'm still back!
Anyway, while preparing for the move, I found a game I thought I'd lost in Korea, namely "Creatures 2." I did have time to blog once during my absence, but I decided to play Creatures instead.
What is Creatures?
Creatures is an experiment in computer programming. Basically, the creators decided to see if they could create real life using only computer code. Let me re-emphasize, real life!
It's like a gigapet, only nowhere near as annoying, and about a million times more competant. Owning creatures is like owning an aquarium where you get to talk to the fishes. That's right, you get to talk to the things. They're not fishes though, because they can drown.
They look like this in Creatures 2:

I could give you a review, but the game is very rare these days, and a pain to get to run on Windows XP (it came out years ago). So instead, I'll link to the dumbed down version of Creatures 3, called Docking Station, so you can try it yourself. It can run on either Windows or Linux, but requires you to register online.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make sure the packers didn't pack any of my carry on luggage or anything.