Do Your Parents Really Wish What's Best for You?

Do our parents really wish what's best for us? Well, acutally they do... but they don't always fufill on that wish, because they kind of mess up (often) when trying to do what's best for us.
Let's take, for example brussel sprouts. Now, I've just gone about and proved them deadly (see previous post), and yet your parents still force you to eat them, because they are "good for you." Also, parents ask you take out the trash... the disease ridden, filthy trash. That means you can get sick from the chore, and yet they still allow you to get in the direct path of disease. Being subjected to disease, last time I checked, is not good for you.
Now, I'm not saying your parents want you dead (with the abortion laws currently in place, they could have killed you before you were born), but I am saying that they can get a bit (for lack of a better word) clumsy, in taking care of you. It's like dropping you on your head (which I bet has actually happened to many people, but their parents won't admit it): nobody means for it to happen; you just slip. Accidents happen every day, and somebody has to suffer for it (or the world will have nothing to laugh at).
That's why teenagers usually think they are so unfairly treated: they are still young enough for accidents affect them, and yet they are old enough to realize that these accidents end up messing up their lives. Try to remember, though, your parents are giving you free room and board, free food, a free house, and will probably end up paying a hefty amount of your college enrollment fees. See, once again you have to look at the positive: parents = money. Just as long as you remember that, you will forgive them of all accidents... until it comes time to put them in a discount old folks home. *evil laugh*

Disproving Lies

The world is full of lies, and I feel like disproving a few of them. The lies I'm referring to are: "money doesn't grow on trees," "brussel sprouts are good for you," and "pigs don't fly."
First, I'll prove that money does grow on trees. This is a very simple one to prove, since money is made out of paper, and paper of tree bark, which does grow on trees.
Anyway, next I'll prove that brussel sprouts are bad for you. For that, I turn to the idea behind evolution and psycology: our greatest desire is our survival. Psycology states that we will try to do everything that will help us to survive, and evolution suggests that our bodies have built ourselves up to survive in dire cicumstances. Now take into effect that as kids, we instictivley hate brussel sprouts (I even puke them), and that brussel sprouts are an aquired taste. Psycologically, we already know how bad brussel sprouts are for us, and we can only enjoy them if we force ourselves to elove to like them. I remind you, we evolve to survive in dire circumstances. Brussel sprouts are not only bad, but deadly.
Finally, pigs can fly. For that, we turn to good ol' American Football. You know what they call the balls? They call them Pigskins. That's because some footballs are actually made out of pigs' skins. Do you know why they did that? Because pigs' skins were able to fly very far when you kicked them. Yep, fly. Hence, pigs fly.
Anyway, I hope you all have been enlightened, now that these lies are off your chest. Boy, the things people believe these days!

The Key to Hapiness: Slapstick

Today I was feeling sick... again... and was dragged around to Oberursel and Hanau (two cities "close" to Frankfurt am Main, where I live) so Mom could shop for groceries. I don't know why she even needed me (She didn't even ask me to help her), but oh well.
Now, you may be thinking that this all means I had a bad day, but you'd be wrong. One of my friends has announced that she has mono (once again I'm withholding her name), and she's afraid she gave it to her boyfriend while making out on the bus. I, however, am mono free!
You see, it's all about putting life in perspective. Bad things happen to you, but rarely are they everlasting, and there will always be something good to follow. Whenever you're in a slum, remind yourself of that.
And in case you need another boost, I've put a link to a comedy routine (from TheVestibules.com) that may help you. This illustrates my theroy on why pain exists: so you can laugh at it. Other people's pain is usually hillarious! And, since you are outnumbered by the rest of the population of the world, if everyone were to laugh at everyone else's pain, we would all experience mostly happiness in our lives. That's the key to happiness: slapstick.

People are Stupid

So, I'm sitting in the school senior lounge (yep, we get a lounge at our school), and I'm surfing the net on my iPAQ since there was nothing else to do, and I happen to overhear a complaint one of my fellow students (whose name will be withheld) shouted about a problem he had with a teacher. He said that he came into class late because he was feeling sick, and doesn't understand why his teacher gave him such a hard time about showing up late.
I'll tell you why: because that's a cock and bull story! If you're feeling sick, you stay home; you don't skip part of the class, suddenly decide you're feeling better, and then come to school. Either you're feeling ill and should stay home and heal, or you weren't sick enough to cut class to begin with!
What kind of moron would go somewhere where they have to work when they have a way out of it? Our school doesn't even force you to make up assignments, and they give you extra time if you're absent. You have to leave your brain at home to actually want to come to school.
My favorite part is how he complained, probably in hopes of winning pity, that he's "never cut class in his life." Big friggin' whup; people aren't supposed to cut class! There's half a million other people who haven't ever cut class, many of them planning to cut class for the first time tommorow. Basically, that excuse means nothing, except that the person using it is an idiot. Either cut the whole class, or put up with the illness! Cutting will give you relax time, while putting up with it will make you look like a real man (who doesn't take any guff from viruses). Never choose to work, and look like a total wuss who is out on the slightest friggin' illness. And finnaly, stop giving any such choices you make so much publicity (by yelling them). But, If you're going to anyway, at least complain quietly enough that it doesn't disturb my web surfing; a guy can't even waste time in peace anymore.

My Country ROCKS!

Yep, I'm patriotic, but at least this time I have a reason to be. We were making programs to compare countries and find out which is the best by combining certain statistics. It took a lot of statistic crunching for us to make any country but the USA number 1!
Sure, other countries are good too, but let's just face it: the US rocks.

Goths Should Be Bombed

I hate the general idea of depression, and am very annoyed by the people who idolize its existence: goths. Why in the heck would someone want to be depressed?
Now this brings me to my conudrum. I felt down today, and I have no friggin' clue why. I hope I was just tired, but in my active pursuit against depression I can't allow myself to think anything would put me down.
Fortunately, I did manage to succeed in finding hapiness today, so it turned out for the better. Want to know my secret? Butt plugs.
In case you're lost in my suggestion, butt plugs is a prank phone call on eBaum's World. Holy cow, that thing was funny! Okay, some of you out there might be a bit offended by its immature humor stlye, but if you can let go of your maturity for a little while, the butt plugs routine will take you from downer to that ant in the one song who carried the rubber tree plant (show off). Anyway, I thought I'd share that nirvana with you, so all will find hapiness and goths will cease to exist.

Cathy is Stupid

Who actually likes Cathy, seriously? Not I. Cathy is horrible. I don't care to hear about some fat women stressing about things that don't matter, like her wedding for instance (the guy's going to leave her at the alter if he knows what's good for him). I've included in the post an example of what your average Cath comic is like, with a few notes from me. Remember to do the suggestion at the end.

Beer: A Fool's Drink

So I'm out walking my dog, and there's this whole group of people gathered out in front of the Bundesbank(1), and they've all got beer bottles in hand, and they're singing at the top of their lungs, and badly I might add. They looked like complete imbiciles.
Another case I've seen of alcohol, a guy waddled out of the U-bahn(2)... yes, waddled... and with a completely dazed stupor on his face, proceeded to scribble on the train. Then he waddled off again, with that same stupor, looking like you could trip him and he wouldn't even notice.
Why do people really want to gather around and make themselves out to be complete fools? I'm serious; if you like alcohol, please comment and tell me why. I can't figure it out.

(1) A German word meaning "Federal Bank"
(2) A mostly underground train system, similar to the subway found in the United States