Capatalize, people!

Pay attention to the title. I'm tired of reading crap with no grammer.
That's all for today.

Hewlett Packard is Crap, part II

I sent an e-mail in to Hewlett Packard customer support yesterday. I tried hard to keep my writing from revealing just how ticked off I was.

The screen is displaying only multi-colored lines, similar to what has happened in the past when I've run magnets over old PC monitors that I don't use anymore (too see what happens). It didn't come in contact with any magnets, but rather broke while I was carrying it in my pocket while walking my dog (it worked before then). I submitted it to neither pressure nor magnets while walking my dog.
This is not the first time I've had this problem with this product. I returned an older iPAQ to the store due to the same problem.

They sent back an e-mail today. It was chaulk full of bull!

Dear HP Customer,

Thank you for contacting HP eServices.

We understand your concern. Please note that you have reached HP eServices, North America.

Let's pretend I care.

In order to resolve the issue, we request that you perform a soft reset on the iPAQ. Procedure to perform the same is given below:

1. Locate the recessed Reset button on the bottom of the HP iPAQ.
2. Use the stylus to lightly press the Reset button. The HP iPAQ restarts and displays the Today screen.

I've tried that already! HP of all people should know that the iPAQ crashes every week (at least mine did) because of memory overload, and thus requires a reset every now and then to remain operational. They're just feeding this because they obviously didn't read my e-mail, which I re-emphasize said:

The screen is displaying only multi-colored lines, similar to what has happened in the past when I've run magnets over old PC monitors...

Great customer support, morons!
The moral of this story: HP is ripping off their customers, and couldn't care less. Don't do business with them if you know what's good for you.

Hewlett Packard is Crap

Behold, the iPAQ, now dead after just barely passing its warrany expiration date. The screen's going fruity on me, making the device inoperable. And what crime did I commit to cause it such irreprable harm? Nothing! I didn't drop it, I didn't scratch it, I didn't run a magnet over it, I didn't harm it in any way, and it just friggin' breaks on me (meaning $350 wasted on a few months of iPAQ goodness)!
I want to return the thing to the store, but the store won't take it back. I already returned one iPAQ for the same exact problem as this one, and they don't believe me that it's HP's fault these things are braking like this.
It's almost like HP designed these things to brake! In fact, I also remember our family owning a desktop by Hewlett Packard that they told us broke because something came loose when we put it on the table! Every Hewlett Packard product I've ever used has failed me in some way!
So I checked their website for their mission statement (to see if they were ripping off their customers on purpose); they didn't even have it available to read. Suspicious.

I'm doing all computer business with someone else from now on.

(Note: To add the above picture to your web site, use the following HTML:

<a href = "http://cfrahm.blogspot.com/2005/04/hewlett-packard-is-crap.html"> <img src = "http://photos1.blogger.com/img/232/2936/200/untitled.jpg"></a>

Enjoy.)

Cats are Evil

Cats scare the crap out of me. Something about them is just... unsettling.
I was watching a cat once. I held a string out, and it started batting it. I thought it was cute, but then the thing started biting it, and not just chewing on the end, but biting more up and up toward my fingers. I dropped the string to let it play with it, but it ignored the string and continued coming after me.
Cats want to hurt you. They will kill you in your sleep. My grandmother's cat, for example, tried standing on my chest to collapse my lungs while I was sleeping. My grandma doesn't believe me, but I swear it's true.
Don't let the cats win! Fight back against the cats!

Wow! This is different!

I'm testing the new look and feel today. Comments are requested after my next post.

The New Blog

That's right: I'm working on a new image for the blog (like I promised in a previous blog entry). I may not finish today... heck, I may decide to scrap the idea alltogether. But one thing's for sure, a new blog is in the oven. This new blog will tackle the more important issues, like

1. Why I should rule Missouri.
2. My fake theories about the universe.
   
3. The ethics of smoking monkeys.
4. Etc.

In other words, it won't change much. I'm just going to add more forewardable material,
and this blog will no longer be called the "#1 Blog in the World" (except by my fans, like those kids in Korea who wanted my autograph). Instead it will be officially called, "Just Read It." I figure it'll make less people fear my blog like the insecure little bloggers they are.
Also, I'm changing the background color back to black so my blog will be easier on the eyes. I'll try to keep the general style of the thing, but the blog's looking kind of cluttered anyway, so I think some cleaning is in order stylewise.
Anyway, that's my hopes for the near future. Invest in my blog!

E-mail, the New Drug

What else can I add?

The Link Owns You

When Skydiving isn't Enough...

Pathetic. These people jump out of an airplane, skydiving, which is supposed to be really thrilling on it's own, and they pull out their handheld video games.

The Link Owns You

Update

I've been doing some research on the contents of my previous post. Seems I've stumbled upon a game where you play stock market with blogs. The blog's value is based on a couple of things, like how many people the blog links to, how many people link to the blog, and probably also by how many people visit the blog, and how many people invest in it. Sounds mildly entertaining.
I may have to rework my whole blog if I start, though. I've recently begun to wonder, maybe the whole "self conceted" thing I have going isn't being recieved as funny as it is I'd hoped, and that it may be driving people away before they realize, "Holy crud, he's right! This is the best blog out there!"
Any comments about this would be appreciated, or you can even e-mail me about it. But until then, you punks will just have to get used to it.

What The... They're Selling My Blog?

The link's below. If somebody could explain this thing to me I'd appreciate it. For some reason it says my blog is worth $1,473.41 (at the time I'm writing this). I know even Google says my blog's the best out there, but wow! I wish I could see some of that money!

Fat = Healthy

I couldn't believe it when I read it either. But apparantly being fat is good for you. Guess I better bring out the Haribo!
By the way, the link to the article I'm referring to is below.

(Update: It seems you can only read the article directly from my blog if you have a subscription tothe New York Times web site. I don't have one. I got to the article by preforming this search.)

Smoking Chimpanzee

And now, I present to you a smoking monkey (thanks to CBS).
The link to the news article with the monkey is below. But if you want to go straight to the movie with said monkey, click here.

IB Exams = Free Time For Me

One week left until IB exams. Actually, I'm excited, because I get out of school to do exams that don't even matter to me. Plus on days I don't have any exams, I'm scotch free!
May 19th is one of those days, so I think I'm going to skip and go see the following movie:



The only PG-13 rated Star Wars movie. And guess what else? I can actually go to this thing at midnight on May 19th, which is six hours before midnight May 19th in the US. Since I get to see the movie early, I'm going to go to a Star Wars fansite and ruin the first PG-13 Star Wars movie for everyone, because I'm a jerk.
I love having no school.

Google Spies

The link to the article I'm referring to is below. The important part is:

But privacy rights expert Pam Dixon is worried [Google saving your search history] will make it easier for mischief makers, snoops and perhaps even the government to get their hands on a user's entire search history.

Personally, I don't think you have anything to worry about if you're not doing anything illegal anyway (especially with the government). Besides, they can already find most of that information in your cookies. And it's not like Google's forcing you to let them keep track of your search history.
Anyway, that's all from me for now. I'm too tired tonight to post anything else.

It's Just A Movie!

Ah, free periods: one of the few things I like about my school. I bet nobody in the States can watch a whole movie between classes. Me... I get to watch all of Bruce Almighty in between classes. You know, I'd never seen that whole movie before.
And I would have today... if certain athiests knew how to shut their friggin' trap!
A certain guy walks in and starts yammering about how this movie is "religious dogma" (ironically, mere minutes after Jim Carey finished flipping somebody off), and how they're trying to brainwash us.
Guess what?
IT'S A COMEDY, RETARD!
The movie is not meant to be taken seriously! I mean, for cryin' out loud, Jim Carey uses his "God powers" to make a monkey come out of somebody's butt! Just let me watch the movie for pity sakes!
Man, people are idiots!

Ad

I don't feel like posting today; I have a huge headache! Anyway, since you're here, why don't you visit the Leo and Gemini forums? It's devoted to an internet cartoon I'm working on. I already said something about Leo and Gemini on my blog. The link to the forums is below (you can find out more there).

Iranian Soap Opera

I don't usually post anti-Bush propaganda on here (because I'm a Bush fan), but I'll make an exception for this: an Iranian soap opera about the US forces in Iraq.

First Half: http://switch3.castup.net/cunet/gm.asp?ClipMediaID=57484&ak=null

Second Half: http://switch3.castup.net/cunet/gm.asp?ClipMediaID=57485&ak=null

They used French people to play the American troops. Subtle, isn't it?

(Note: Don't take this too seriously; it's propaganda. Also, if you want to keep watching for updates, the site they're from is in the link below.)

My favorite line is:
"What do I should with them, sir?" - American Soldier

Old Friend

Too busy catching up with an old friend to post today (I haven't seen her since third grade; throw me a bone here).

When Not to Air Guitar

I didn't update yesterday, and it's all because of a movie about vampires. I haven't seen a horror movie in a while, so when the oppurtunity presented itself, I had to jump on.
Anyway, yesterday Dad bought a Doobie Brothers CD and started playing it in the car. Surprisingly, the Doobie Brothers were actually a solid band (despite the name). I dare say I liked the music. That is, until it caused Dad to air guitar while driving on the Autobahn... in the fast lane... and the car started veering to the left!
So I offer this little piece of wisdom: never air guitar while driving at speeds of over 80 mph.

Leo and Gemini

I've been trying to create a new online cartoon, working with an excellent animator named Joshua Wimble. He finished a first draft of the teaser trailer, and I thought you all might enjoy. Enjoy!



Just to clarify, though, I did not really make the music. I stole it from OverClocked Remix.

(Tech Assistance: If the trailer seems stuck at the loading screen it probably is, and if so, right click on it and select "forward" to get to get past it.)

Burn, Baby Burn!

Today, my Chemistry teacher decided to break his anti-pyro rule today, and asked us to build things in class that were meant to explode, however he asked us to contain the whole thing very well, exploding it only in a contained area that would prevent fiery dust from leaping out of the test tube and into the air, burning things.
*evil laugh*
My partner and I set up the experiment, doing everything exactly as we were told to do it to start; we mixed the chemicals properly, then heated them to approximately 360 degrees Celsius. But we were told to drop the test tube with the chemicals into the contained area (a flask of water), and my partner decided to dunk it instead (even pulling the stuff out).
FWOOM!
350 degree Celsius dust flew into the air, ultimately landing and burning a hole through my notes and charring my backpack (it was worth it). Nobody got hurt, thankfully, so I'm not earning myself a trip to the psychiatrist by saying that was totally awsome!

As Promised...

... Here's the movie. I know the quality is low, and the movie itself looks like the Waterworld people made it, but you shouldn't expect a lot when the movie was made with a budjet of nothin', and completed in one day.


Notes about the movie:
I made this movie, and the copyright at the bottom of the page applies to it. Feel free to link to it, but don't go telling people you made it, or you may find an assassin in your bedroom one night.
You think I'm kidding, don't you? Well, you're right, but I'll still be ticked!
By the way, I slightly remixed a Disney song for the background (namely "you Ho, a Pirate's Life for Me"). I got the mp3 to slightly remix from Bethesda and Disney's game "Pirates of the Caribbean."
While the movie is about a real event, the opinions have been exaggerated. I'm just saying that so my friends don't get in trouble for what they say/do in the movie. I mean, one of them would have to go see a psychiatrist if this were true, but I assure you he's faking it.

Stupid Host!

I was going to post my movie up today, but the file host didn't like it. I'll try to host it myself at school tommorow.
Word of wisdom: never ever put together a whole movie in one day (mine was 1 minute and 30 seconds long, and it took me from 5:30 am to 8:00 pm to make). I'm not meant to vlog!

Successful Trial

I got some new movie editing software, and just had a succesful run with it today.
I know what you're thinking... "What the heck are you talking about Chris? It's just video editing software. Why does that need a trial run?" It doesn't. The problem is I'm trying to make the #1 Blog in the World without spending any money on it that I didn't actually spend on something else. That means I had to make sound videos without a sound video camera.
Yep, I can do that. Wanna know how? (If not, skip the next two paragraphs).
I got a cheap $29.99 digital camera from Wal-Mart (the last time I was in the United States) that does silent .mov movies. But I also have an iPAQ (Hewlett Packard Pocket PC) that takes sound memos in .wav sound format. I also have Windows XP with Windows Movie Maker.
The first thing I needed to do was convert the silent movie into something I could work with in Windows Movie Maker (it doesn't do .mov files, because they're apple files). So I found some online file conversion software, edited it for my needs, and finally converted the .mov file to a .avi file. After that, I loaded the .avi file into Windows Movie Maker and meshed the sound file over it.
The movie's really low quality, but that's fine; it just means my blog is iPAQ friendly. I'm not loading the movie file onto the blog (the movie plays like a test, meaning it's awful), but at least I know I'm capable of it for tommorow. I'll post if I get material. Anyway, my point is I rock!

I've Been Beat!

I've finally found a blog I'd consider to be better than mine... but just a little bit better. (Link below.)
Well, technically it might not count as a blog, sicne it's a vlog (video weblog), but that's not an excuse! I hereby swear to start video blogging, thus reclaiming the title google gave me!
Now if I could just remember where I put my video editing software...

Idiots!

So here I am, sitting in school; my teacher has reserved the computer lab for our class so we can use the internet for research on the characterization in One Day in the Life of Ivan Dennisovich. Of course I google it, and I'm led to this piece of bull plop:

Until proven or disproven scientifically, the concept of God is an 'individual-specific reality': if one's reality necessitates the presence of God, He exists. (source)

What the flip is that supposed to mean? Either something exists or it doesn't, no matter what you believe.
Take for instance if some guy were to suddenly believe he had gills. According to this essay, the guy should be able to breathe underwater. Bull; he drowns! Either he has gills or doesn't; and if he doesn't then he can't breathe underwater.
People keep trying to analyse the religious, but it's a waste of time.
Whether God exists or not (I believe in God), it doesn't matter. Either He exists or he doesn't. Personally, if He exists, I wouldn't want to take my chances on His bad side. The Old Testament says he torched Soddom and Gammorah for unrighteousness; He could do the same to you, or He could get more creative. On the other hand, if God exists and He likes you then you're set! All it will require is to keep righteous (not really a hard task), and rectify times you mess up. If you do that, you either get nothing or power from on high. On the other hand, if you are unrighteous, you either get nothing or pain.
Gambling is a fool's game; I'll take the first.

Napoleon Dynamite Mixup?

I think there may have been some sort of mixup in the Napoleon Dynamite script. This seems to match up even better than the song that was really played in Napoleon Dynamite. Anyway, thank's to FlashPlayer.com for airing this flash file.
Click on the link below to find it.

McDonalds, an Oppressed People

Recently, I've been getting a lot of lip from some of the people here in Germany. Seems they saw that "Super Size Me" movie, and have come to the following conclusions:
1. McDonalds has made the world fat.
2. America consists entirely of McDonalds resteraunts.
3. The world's obesity is somehow my fault.
First off, let me clear up that McDonalds food is awful (especially here in Germany). The "Chicken McNuggets" don't contain any actual chicken, the buns are all stale, the Happy Meal prizes are cheap toy imitations (but kids still make tons of noise with them), the cups tend to fall apart... the list goes on.
McDonalds' low quality aside, saying that they're making the world fat by increasing the size of food is ridiculous; McDonalds is not the only people who are increasing portion size. Take the European product Nutella (an inexpensively made chocolate spread), for example:

The Nutella on the left is last year's size, and the one on the right is this year's. The one on the right contains at least twice as least twice as large. Personally, I think upping the amount of chocolate one eats on things would tend to increase their weight by much more than a sandwich and some deep fried potatoes.
Now, some of you may be thinking, "But wait a minute; that's at home, so nobody's forcing you to eat it all," but nobody's forcing you to eat everything you order at McDonalds either. You can take it to go, eat as much as you want, and then take home what you don't want to eat right away in a convenient little bag they provide if you order "to go."
My point is that McDonalds isn't alone in their decision to make their menus bigger, and nobody's forcing anybody to overeat. Thing is, people wanted bigger meals, and lots of food companies responded. So why should McDonalds and America be picked on? They're not any different from anybody else.
At least I'll be away from most of the whining in 66 days.

Temporary Distraction

And now, I bring you back to the dark ages of Europe, when they had dancing bears.
(This picture is best viewed in Firefox.)

[image removed to lessen its bandwidth, and make it acutally available]

A friend of mine sent this to me. I have no idea where it's from, but I deemed it blog-worthy.

The 10 Commandments of Blogging

Anyone who has been around the blogosphere knows by now that a ton of the stuff out there is total garbage. It's hardly surprising, with all the rotten blogs in the blogosphere, that my blog's claimed all of the fifteen spots when Googling "#1 Blog in the World." (Note: Forum searches have been excluded. Forums are just a bunch of pimply faced highschoolers who wouldn't know a good blog if it came up and bit them.)
So, what's the key to my success? Well, they're what I like to call the 10 commandments of blogging. Follow them, and your blog will also reach the top.

Commandments:

1. Thou shalt not "lol." "LOL" gains my nomination for the most annoying Internet acronym ever. People generally use it to mean, "I am funny," but they rarely are before using it. In fact, don't use any Internet acronyms, period. They make you look like an idiot, and drive people away. If you have to express a laugh or emotion, do it like this: *laughs*.
2. Thou shalt capitalize, stupid! Never, ever leave the letter "I" in the lowercase if left on its own, and never leave the beginning of a sentence in the lower case. It gives people the impression you don't spend enough time on them to give them a good blog (and if you aren't capitalizing, chances are they are right).
3. Thou art always right! The instant you back down from anything, you lose credibility. Never retract statements, even if you are wrong (try not to be wrong). If you can't think of a way to discredit your critics, just ignore them until they go away.
   (Please note: I am not encouraging libel. I'm just saying that blogs are more interesting if people defend their opinions rather than blowing with the wind like a leaf. Leaves suck at blogging.)
4. Thou shalt make everything matter which proceedeth from thy keyboard. People read blogs in the hopes of finding out something. Never talk about everyday occurrences unless there is something unusual about them (otherwise, the fact that you did them will be pointless). For instance, the sentence, "I slept," does not belong on a blog unless immediately followed by something to the effect of, "and while sleeping, I was burned for witchcraft." Also, make sure your sentences contain some form of information on them. For example, the sentence "The weekend was ok," is a huge mistake. If you are writing about your weekend, we should be able to tell from the rest of the writing.
5. Thou shalt not swear. This one's more of a courtesy thing than a solid rule; there are some blogs out there which are really awesome, but still manage to drive religious and other moral-minded people away because they swear. You'll have a bigger audience if you keep your mouth clean.
6. Thou shalt not give too much information. Blogs are an informal form of literature. If people wanted to read huge amounts of text, they'd buy a book. For a blog, you want to get to the point as fast as possible, and then stop once you're there.
7. Thou still shalt not "lol!" I cannot stress enough how annoying Internet acronyms are! They're so annoying; I decided to devote two whole commandments to them! If you ignore every other rule, at least obey this one.
8. Thou shalt update! Blogs that are updated often get regular visits from people. You don't have to update as often as me (I update every day), but set yourself a schedule that you can give to your readers. Try your best to stick to said schedule, but don't stress if you aren't 100% faithful. People tend to understand circumstances.
9. Thou shalt be different! If your blog is just like everybody else's blog, there will be no reason to visit your blog over someone else's with the same opinions/experiences. Be careful to be sincere, though, because if you don't sound like you believe yourself you tend to come off as pathetic (in other words, don't lie).
10. Thou shalt punctuate! It's hard to read sentences that have no form of separation. Use some form of punctuation to end every sentence, so that reading your blog isn't a chore. I suggest learning as much punctuation as possible; things such as colons, semi-colons, commas, and parentheses also help to organize your writing and keep it from being a chore (nobody likes chores). But make sure to use them correctly, otherwise you make things harder on your readers who have to clean up your mess.

And, one more time, I'd like to stress the importance of never, ever using Internet acronyms, especially "lol." They're fine for instant messaging, where you have to type quickly, but blogs are a completely different story!

Update 8-7-2005: Because I was awsome enough to make this in about three minutes, you can now post the following on your blog if it is compliant with these commandments.

If you feel your blog is 10 commandments compliant, post the following code into your sidebar to gain this button (do not alter it; it's littered with my copyrights).

<a href = "http://cfrahm.blogspot.com/2005/04/10-commandments-of-blogging.html"><img src="http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y250/leo_damascus/10_command2.gif" alt="My blog complies with the 10 commandments of blogging as certified by http://cfrahm.blogspot.com/!"></a>

Roman's Pissed

IT is one of the most interesting classes I have ever taken. Today, for example, we were continuing working on a slideshow presentation of baby photos that the school's showing at graduation. More specifically, we were trying to fix a photo that I *ahem* ran over with a rolling chair.
It was Roman's photo, and he just happened to walk in on my IT class while we were doing this. For a while he didn't even recognize his photo, but my teacher (Mr. Fox) had to refer to the photo by student name. So, let's just say the story leaked to Roman.
Roman was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. I mean, he didn't even resort to any sort of violence; he just offered to fix the photo himself, and to bring a cleaner copy if needed. Personally, I think he realizes that he can hold this as a reason I owe him.
*groan* I hate owing people!

Shark!

You remember those wierd kids who want to be something wierd like, say, a shark when they grow up? Check this guy out (by clicking the link below).

The EU is Evil

Since the European Union (EU) has formed, they've done nothing but cause major headaches for everyone. I mean it; they introduce "the Euro," and all of a sudden inflation doubles here in Germany, for example. But nobody can bring them down, because they're all mad with power, as can be seen in this babyish action they are attempting: The EU is putting "sanctions" on US items. For the particularly slow, that means that they're going to stop buying from the United States in punishment for Washington not repealing an antidumping law.
What?
Who gave the European Union the power to do this? I know I didn't vote on it, and I don't remember any sort of election in the United States over what laws the European Union could impose on the United States. As far as I could tell, they weren't our bosses.
But it seems the EU thinks they have the power and right to boss the US around, just because the law came from the World Trade Organization. Washington is doing their best to come up to par with the WTO laws, but as Richard Mills says in this quote from Sun-Sentil.com,

"The United States is working to comply with the WTO decision regarding the Byrd Amendment," Mills said. "It's important to remember that the WTO decision in the dispute does not affect our underlying trade laws. The United States will continue to vigorously implement our trade laws to make sure Americans are treated fairly."

That's not going to stop the EU, though. They think they can just use the World Trade Organization to enforce laws on the US that will screw Americans over if its passed right away, and if it's not passed, their going to screw us anyway.
You know, the last time I can think of that this happened England was forcing a tea tax on America, that ultimatly led to the American Revolution. This is unfair treatment, and a violation of Americans' rights as people on earth! Down with the EU, stinkin' tyrants!

Thank goodness there are only 70 days left until I leave Europe!

April Fools!

So nobody gets worried, I changed my blog temporarily for April Fool's day. April Fools, everyone!
I'll change it back tommorow.