Anyone who has been around the blogosphere knows by now that a ton of the stuff out there is total garbage. It's hardly surprising, with all the rotten blogs in the blogosphere, that my blog's claimed all of the fifteen spots when Googling "#1 Blog in the World." (Note: Forum searches have been excluded. Forums are just a bunch of pimply faced highschoolers who wouldn't know a good blog if it came up and bit them.)
So, what's the key to my success? Well, they're what I like to call the 10 commandments of blogging. Follow them, and your blog will also reach the top.
Commandments:
- Thou shalt not "lol." "LOL" gains my nomination for the most annoying Internet acronym ever. People generally use it to mean, "I am funny," but they rarely are before using it. In fact, don't use any Internet acronyms, period. They make you look like an idiot, and drive people away. If you have to express a laugh or emotion, do it like this: *laughs*.
- Thou shalt capitalize, stupid! Never, ever leave the letter "I" in the lowercase if left on its own, and never leave the beginning of a sentence in the lower case. It gives people the impression you don't spend enough time on them to give them a good blog (and if you aren't capitalizing, chances are they are right).
- Thou art always right! The instant you back down from anything, you lose credibility. Never retract statements, even if you are wrong (try not to be wrong). If you can't think of a way to discredit your critics, just ignore them until they go away.
(Please note: I am not encouraging libel. I'm just saying that blogs are more interesting if people defend their opinions rather than blowing with the wind like a leaf. Leaves suck at blogging.) - Thou shalt make everything matter which proceedeth from thy keyboard. People read blogs in the hopes of finding out something. Never talk about everyday occurrences unless there is something unusual about them (otherwise, the fact that you did them will be pointless). For instance, the sentence, "I slept," does not belong on a blog unless immediately followed by something to the effect of, "and while sleeping, I was burned for witchcraft." Also, make sure your sentences contain some form of information on them. For example, the sentence "The weekend was ok," is a huge mistake. If you are writing about your weekend, we should be able to tell from the rest of the writing.
- Thou shalt not swear. This one's more of a courtesy thing than a solid rule; there are some blogs out there which are really awesome, but still manage to drive religious and other moral-minded people away because they swear. You'll have a bigger audience if you keep your mouth clean.
- Thou shalt not give too much information. Blogs are an informal form of literature. If people wanted to read huge amounts of text, they'd buy a book. For a blog, you want to get to the point as fast as possible, and then stop once you're there.
- Thou still shalt not "lol!" I cannot stress enough how annoying Internet acronyms are! They're so annoying; I decided to devote two whole commandments to them! If you ignore every other rule, at least obey this one.
- Thou shalt update! Blogs that are updated often get regular visits from people. You don't have to update as often as me (I update every day), but set yourself a schedule that you can give to your readers. Try your best to stick to said schedule, but don't stress if you aren't 100% faithful. People tend to understand circumstances.
- Thou shalt be different! If your blog is just like everybody else's blog, there will be no reason to visit your blog over someone else's with the same opinions/experiences. Be careful to be sincere, though, because if you don't sound like you believe yourself you tend to come off as pathetic (in other words, don't lie).
- Thou shalt punctuate! It's hard to read sentences that have no form of separation. Use some form of punctuation to end every sentence, so that reading your blog isn't a chore. I suggest learning as much punctuation as possible; things such as colons, semi-colons, commas, and parentheses also help to organize your writing and keep it from being a chore (nobody likes chores). But make sure to use them correctly, otherwise you make things harder on your readers who have to clean up your mess.
And, one more time, I'd like to stress the importance of never, ever using Internet acronyms, especially "lol." They're fine for instant messaging, where you have to type quickly, but blogs are a completely different story!
Update 8-7-2005: Because I was awsome enough to make this in about three minutes, you can now post the following on your blog if it is compliant with these commandments.
If you feel your blog is 10 commandments compliant, post the following code into your sidebar to gain this button (do not alter it; it's littered with my copyrights).
<a href = "http://cfrahm.blogspot.com/2005/04/10-commandments-of-blogging.html"><img src="http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y250/leo_damascus/10_command2.gif" alt="My blog complies with the 10 commandments of blogging as certified by http://cfrahm.blogspot.com/!"></a>
